WE ARE
PENN STATE!

Hmmm....Much to think about there Rej.

I do agree that I am pre-disposed to be a thinker. I was that way as a little kid, so college didn't really have anything to do with it. I still wonder though what my thoughts would be like had I gone to tech school and worked in a trade all my life. By the same token I wonder what would be going on in my head had I finished my MFA and gotten a college teaching gig. I think that environments level of mental activity would probably have a positive influence. Go figure.
I do like to understand things. I like to learn. Learn new stuff, try new things.
Since my dad's been gone I'm just totally confused.
The whole actual reality of life thing kinda hit me in the face on that one. It's funny...I've said my life lately has felt surreal. The more I think about it, it seems to me that my life before losing my dad was surreal and that now the reality of it all has come crashing down on me.
I've been talking to Kevin lately about what we're doing with our lives. He's a Photographer and I'm a Potter...and he waits tables and I have to go put in a toilet today. We're both really good at our Art. By not doing it are we cheating ourselves out of our dream lives? Are we cheating the world out of the Art we could be creating? Neither one of us has kids, and from the looks of it neither one of us will. So what will our legacy be? Will the people whose dinner he brought out remember him? Will the person who shits in that toilet know how hard I worked putting it in? Shouldn't I be asking how much joy the owner of one of his photographs gets every time they walk past it hanging in their house? Or of the comfort someone receives every time they wrap their hands around one of my coffee mugs and put the smooth edge up to their lips?
I think this is probably the point of the ‘mid-life crisis’ ...where the thoughts go from all the things I want to do in my life, to, all the things I want to do before it’s too late. There was a guy at the golf driving range the other day (Went with Kevin, first time I’ve hit golf balls since my back operation I think...felt fine...tweaked my shoulder) that must have been about 100 years old. And another old dude (maybe 70) walked by him and said, “Gotta hit ‘em while we still can!” Obviously it got me thinking.

With the exception of the friends I made there...

I'm beginning to wonder if going to college was such a great idea for me.

I mean...we all can agree that one of my problems has always been that I tend to think too much. I was thinking this afternoon about the Philosophy classes I took and the questions they led to. The general junk that clouds my brain on a day to day basis...the nature of being type of things. I'm starting to think that's all just societal crap I never should have gotten into trying to wrap my head around in the first place. I wonder if I would have been better off keeping the thoughts in my head simpler. But of course there are parts of life that happen to us that we have no control over that change who we are in an instant. But is thinking about them or worrying about them a good idea? dunno.

Sometimes I really wonder.
What's the point.
And then today I think I finally realized...
There is no point.