Better Days.
(Thanks Boss.)

So...this may sound funny what with all that’s going on around here bad lately (like my fiancé going into surgery to have all the cancer parts removed next week)... But I think my outlook on life is actually brightening up a bit.
I’ve been missing my dad a whole lot lately...it would have been his birthday on Tuesday. I woke up and cried for a while. But I’ve been talking to my mom about life lately and I think I’m finally starting to figure some things out. So this week I realized that my father would not want me to be sad and unhappy when I think about him. No matter how much we missed out on when we stopped getting along during my teen years and never quite recovered from that...I think he’d want me to remember him and be happy. We had some great times together. He taught me a great many things. I wish I had said thank you to him other than when he was in the nursing home where I saw him shortly before he died.
The hardest part has been realizing how much I am like him. And not being able to laugh about that with him. There are so many questions about life I would have liked to have been able to ask him...but I didn’t even know the questions until recently. In some ways it’s like I’m figuring out for the first time what it really means to be alive. That the here and now is what it is...that history and the future really are just that. They don’t exist in the here and now.
I just need to get back to being myself. I used to be a really happy guy who was a lot of fun to be around. I knew how to enjoy myself. And then somewhere along the line it’s like I got lost. There was a dark cloud over everything.
Well....if this is the only life I get...that’s no way to live it.
And I believe it’s changing for me.
More relaxed.
Happier.
Calm.

I miss my dad more than I could have ever imagined would be possible.